


Next Time

by hoverboarddinosaur



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Annie needs a hug, Annie-Centric, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fights, First Kiss, Post-Canon, Redemption, Self-Hatred, there's a lot of emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoverboarddinosaur/pseuds/hoverboarddinosaur
Summary: The next time, Annie falls. When she wakes up, Mikasa's words take her back to the first time, when she fought, cried, screamed, and did everything but fall.a.k.a., my take on 'fall.'





	Next Time

_After the next time_

 

When Annie landed from the wall, her stomach flopping after it had been flying up towards the girl just inches above of her, she landed on dewey grass.

The Titaness inspected the hands that had caught her--they were her own, covered in calluses, yet blood-free, which meant she was human gain. She looked around the grass and saw broken, translucent shards, and when she looked up, she saw Eren’s Titan form to her right, far away in a grassy field.

Annie had no time to wonder what was going on-- she had to get away from Eren, get home, to her father. She pushed herself up and, after her legs steadied, ran as fast as she could. Barely a few steps in, an arm squeezed her wrist and caught her. 

“We’re not going to hurt you,” a soft, yet cold voice said.

Annie whipped her head around, hardly believing what she’d heard. But sure enough, it was Mikasa’s firm grip. Her heart stopped, practically, to see the beautiful girl in-the-flesh again--she was still like a perfect porcelain doll with the body of a titan--but she soon noticed that something was off. Mikasa truly towered over her now, and there was a much longer amount of black, thin hair whipping in the wind.

“What the fuck is going on?” Annie asked. Her voice was raspy, she realized.

“I understand you must be very confused,” a different voice said. It was louder and deeper than Mikasa’s. A tall, glasses-clad person with their hair in a ponytail approached her. Upon seeing the person, Mikasa released Annie’s wrist. She stumbled forward a bit and then slowly stood up straight, her wrist feeling oddly cold and light.

“I’m Commander Hanji Zoë of the Survey Corps,” the person said. Annie could’ve sworn it was Erwin-something that was in charge. “You’ve been in that crystal for about four years. We used Eren’s roar to shatter it.”

Four years. God, where were Reiner and Bertholdt now? What had happened? Did they know about Eldia and Marley yet?

“Why?” Annie asked as calmly as possible, of all her questions. “Why did you wake me now, after all these years?”

“Marley ships are attacking the beach constantly, and our two Titans are hardly enough to handle them. We need more power, and Captain Mikasa said you likely have knowledge of Marley tactical techniques.”

Annie looked back at Mikasa, but her grey eyes were focused on Eren’s Titan. Still, she felt herself grow heated.  
“You do not have to help us,” Hanji said. “However, if you do not, you will continue to be held prisoner by the Military Police as an enemy of humanity. This is your chance at redemption.”

Annie was ready to say ‘yes’ as soon as she heard ‘redemption,’ but the word also reminded her of her father. Reiner. Bertholdt. Eldia and Marley. “Wait. What happened to Reiner and Bertholdt? And how do you know about Marley?”

Hanji smiled. “I understand. You want to make an informed decision--smart. I’ll explain everything once we get on some horses. You’ll ride with Captain Mikasa.” They turned to a small clump of soldiers (how had she missed them?) and said, “Officer Legout, get Eren out of the Titan.”

A small, brown-haired officer nodded and launched himself forward, steam puffing from his 3DM gear. “Come,” Hanji said. They began to walk forward, back turned to Annie.

Annie walked with Hanji, slowly, but yet again she only walked a few steps before Mikasa grabbed her wrist again. Her heart leapt- despite it all, Mikasa was still as strong as ever, and Annie was still as weak to it as ever.

“Wait,” Mikasa said, as though Annie wasn’t already stopped.

Annie turned around to look at her. Her face was neutral, bright-red lips in a straight line (she was still beautiful, too), but her eyes twitched a bit. She drew a shuddery breath.

“Thank you for falling this time,” Mikasa said.

 

/ / / / / / / / / / /

_The first time_

“Get your ass out of here,” Annie growled. She only lightly kicked the cadet’s asshole, but he shrieked and pulled his legs up.

Rolling her eyes, Annie looked around the dirty enclosure. Everything was just a boring beige--the fighting cadets and their wooden swords, the dust exploding around their feet, and the rats and bugs scurrying between stomping legs (at least those had interesting minds). It was all unbelievably dreary.

Except, of course, Mikasa.

Her eyes had to search for her, although she didn’t know until she found her that she was what she’d been looking for. She wiped off sweat gleaming on her porcelain forehead, then combed through her black hair. If only all walled Eldians looked like her-- perhaps, then, the Marleyans wouldn’t want them destroyed so badly.

And then, of course, Annie was reminded of why she’d been searching for Mikasa. She let out a tiny sigh and began dodging and weaving through cadets, dust erupting with each step. 

Come on, Leonhardt, let’s finish her, an angry voice inside her spat.

She got close to Mikasa and lept over a cadet lying down in front of the other 14-year-old. “Mikasa,” she said, head held high and using her coldest voice, “let’s fight.”

“We already did. Last week,” Mikasa replied immediately. Something about her suave voice made Annie shake.

“But no one won. C’mon, let’s finish this.”

Mikasa looked into the distance and Annie did the same. She saw nothing that would be of interest to Mikasa--not even Eren. She looked back at the other girl.

“Alright,” she said. She still wasn’t looking at Annie. “But let’s make it quick.”

Annie felt satisfaction spread across her face. On instinct, she raised her fists in front of her face and lowered her chin. Half of Mikasa’s figure was blocked by Annie’s forearm.

“Ready, set, go,” Annie said. She watched as Mikasa kicked a leg forward-- that was new, most threw punches first-- and grabbed it. Her calf felt like rock. She dragged Mikasa’s other leg through the dirt. Mikasa kicked that leg up, hitting Annie’s hip, and as the other girl pulled away in pain she wriggled her leg free. 

Strong legs, Annie thought as she and Mikasa circled each other, arms up. Hurt my hip and my hands hurt just from grabbing them. That’s incredible.

 _You’ll never reach that level. You can’t win,_ a voice inside her whimpered.

Mikasa threw a punch which Annie blocked with her elbow. She pretended to aim a punch that Mikasa prepared to block, only for Annie to grab her arm and slam her onto the ground. Mikasa yanked her down by the ankle, but Annie pushed herself up before MIkasa did. 

Annie dodged Mikasa’s kick and ran behind her, putting an arm around her neck. Mikasa jabbed her in the side of her breast, and Annie couldn’t help but hiss in pain. Damn, she was fast. And smart.  
They both stepped back. Annie tucked her bangs behind her ear and Mikasa flipped her black hair. Annie’s heart stopped as it floated in the air and she could practically smell it. Mikasa then huffed out and rolled her sleeves up, and Annie was, too, reminded that the sun was baking them alive, and wiped a bead of sweat off her forehead.

The heat looked much better on Mikasa. Her forearms, now exposed to the sun, glistened and sparkled, and along with the muscular waves and ripples it all looked like a creamy ocean. The Marleyans had really been wrong when calling the walled Eldians ‘hideous’-- not that Annie had believed (or even really listened) to any of that stuff. Annie was so spellbound that it took her a second to realize Mikasa’s arm was coming for her. Her mind went blank in panic, and by the time she blocked with her arm, the fist was just a centimeter from her nose-

What came first, the whistle or Mikasa’s fist stopping? Annie assumed the whistle. But her heart nearly jumped out of her throat as Mikasa’s fist stopped just short of impact. Her breath hitched, only for it to come out in a heaving sigh.

“MOVE OUT!” Shadis barked from someplace unseen.

Mikasa’s fist slowly withdrew, and as it dropped she stared at Annie with no real emotion, though her gaze still made Annie want to fly out of her skin. Then she turned around and trotted off with the rest of the 104th. Annie stared at her but did not see much.

Finally, she began to run. The rest of the cadets became closer and closer as she caught up with them, running to her next class, and yet Strategy was the farthest thing from Annie’s mind at that moment.

Instead, the small voice cried out again, this time saying: _I almost lost to a wall liver._

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Annie couldn’t see the wood supporting the top bunk above her, just faint swirling patterns shining out at her eyes in the pitch-black. They stung her eyes, but when she tried to shut them, tears nearly fell out.

With a sigh, Annie’s wandering thoughts were brought back to the problem at hand. Mikasa had nearly beat her a few hours ago, and all because she’d been so distracted by Mikasa. How could she have let that happen? How could she have nearly lost to a Paradiser, and no less, because she was distracted by some faint beauty? If that had been a real battle, Marley would’ve had her eaten in a heartbeat.

Her father would’ve called her weak. Bertholdt would’ve called her distracted, but his eyes would’ve called her something else. Reiner would’ve called her treasonous-- seriously in earlier years, but now it would be a joke. He had been acting more and more like Marcel since they’d entered the walls. 

It was good to know that she wasn’t the only one of them having issues. Only no, it wasn’t, because Bertholdt and Reiner were poor fighters and unintelligent and her father had raised her better than to be on their level.

A loud snore erupted from the bunk above hers, which made her jolt her shoulders, but also told her that Ymir was asleep. She turned her head and saw Sasha was drooling on her pillow, and when she looked up and saw nothing in Christa’s bed, she assumed she was sleeping with Ymir again. Everyone was asleep.

Now was her chance.

 _Am I really doing this?_ Annie thought, staring back at the top bunk. If she was caught, Reiner and Bertholdt and, well, everyone would look at her differently. No matter how much she hated it, Annie did care what people thought of her, even these devils. And more than that, what if she couldn’t beat Mikasa? What if she wasn’t even strong enough to fight one Eldian?

That was exactly why she had to do this. Before she could have a second thought, Annie threw her blanket aside. She sighed as she slid into and pulled on her boots, and then got out of bed, Annie winced as it creaked, but no one else even twitched. She exhaled gently and began to softly step out of her cabin.

Little puffs of dust were heard as Annie walked to Mikasa’s cabin. She was trembling, practically, and every noise startled her, and yet she was still trying to run through a good strategy in her head. She had no success. She ended up repeating, ‘Right cross, then…. Right cross, then…..’ over and over to the rhythm of her feet. She only stopped when she finally reached Mikasa’s cabin.

The sound of footsteps continued.

Annie jumped and spun around, fists in front of her face. She slowly lowered them when she saw a curvy silhouette, with bouncing, short hair and something bulky around the neck. It was Mikasa.

“Why are you awake?” Mikasa whispered, so quiet that Annie could barely hear her over her footsteps.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She sounded oddly calm, considering her heart was still beating faster than a horse and louder than a Titan. 

Mikasa continued to walk until she was close to Annie, and in the dim moonlight, Annie could see her skin glowing and hair shining. “I usually stay with Eren until he falls asleep. Otherwise he’d stay up all night.” She paused. “Now you.”

God, this girl was selfless. Annie couldn’t imagine sacrificing her sleep each night for that, especially with an ingrate like Eren. “Actually, I was looking for you.”

“Oh?”

“I want to finish our fight.”

“No.”

“But I need to. Come on. Are you afraid you’ll lose?”

“No, but I’m tired. We’ll fight in the morning.”

“Let’s just get it over with.”

“I won’t fight you, Annie. Go to bed.”

She began to walk again, brushing against Annie as she walked past. Something boiled inside of her, bubbling in her stomach and popping in her arms, and she could only register it as anger.

“I guess you’ll lose, then,” Her fist flew at the back of Mikasa’s head.

Annie realized too late how careless the throw was. Mikasa grabbed her wrist with ease, twisting her arm as she flipped around to face Annie. Annie wanted to scream for her arm and for the pressure about to explode her wrist.

Biting her lip, Annie sent all her energy into kicking Mikasa’s ankle. It connected and Mikasa stumbled, hopping on her other foot to stay upright.

“First person to fall on the ground loses,” Annie declared, raising her fists to her standard position.

Mikasa mirrored her. “This should be quick, then.”

Annie threw her right cross but Mikasa’s left one was stronger, hitting her wrist and shocking it. She rolled punches, each one strong and quick and aching Annie’s cheeks. Annie dodged a right cross and Mikasa continued forward. Annie elbowed her lower back--a not-so-muscular part of her, she’d noticed-- and it hit with a satisfying crack. Mikasa stumbled, then glared back at Annie. She flicked a kick that didn’t even reach Annie’s ankle. Her chest swelled and she jumped on Mikasa’s back, squeezing her neck with one arm. The crook of her elbow felt a warm pulse, and something dropped in Annie’s stomach.

Unfortunately, Annie was too distracted to get off before she realized she was falling, that Mikasa’s black hair was gravitating towards her breasts. Annie panicked, anticipating the pain and the shame of losing to another Eldian. Her arms flew off of Mikasa’s neck and she kicked her back full-force, then slammed her feet onto the ground. 

Dust puffed so high that it clouded her vision, as did the dark, but Annie saw Mikasa’s silhouette slowly stand up straight, and rub her lower back as she turned around towards Annie. When the cloud of dust dissipated, she saw Mikasa’s scowl just with the dim moonlight. Annie’s chest ached.

“I’m not going down that easy,” Annie said, lifting her chin.

Mikasa scowl disappeared (or perhaps just lightened-- Annie couldn’t really see) and she sighed. Annie’s gut twisted and she felt guilty, more guilty than usual.

“No,” Mikasa said, sighing again. “You won’t.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
“Annie,” MIkasa said through pants. Her back practically shone now that the moon was right above them as she leaned against her bent knees. “Please. Let’s go to bed.”

“No,” Annie said, holding her head high and sucking in air. It tasted sour and she spit, then wiped her mouth. “Not until I beat you.”

“Fine, then. I forfeit.”

“Don’t pity me like that. I can beat you, fairly, and easily.”

“Can you? We’re both tired. We both want this over with. The only deciding factor is strength, and more so, stamina, and we both know I have more of both.”

“You don’t.” The words hissed from Annie’s lips before she could stop them, though she knew they were a lie. “Also, you don’t want to win. So your body will subconsciously sabotage you. You must want to win.” A perfect recitation of her father--he’d be proud.

“Smart. Very smart. You seem to think a different way, Annie.”

Annie wished her face hadn’t flushed, and hoped the moonlight didn’t show it. “Uh, well, I’m putting my theory to the test.”

Then, with all the energy her tired body could muster, Annie threw a right cross at Mikasa, aiming for her nose. Unfortunately, Mikasa blocked it with her forearm. Lost for what to do, Annie tried to kick her shin. Mikasa must’ve picked something up from Annie’s fights earlier that morning, because while Annie’s other foot was up, she tripped the standing leg.

Again, Annie panicked. _Pull up, pull up,_ she screamed until her abs tightened and her leg slammed and she pulled herself upright.

_No. No no no nonononononono. You weak little shit, you will not lose to a stupid fucking wall liver._

Annie felt herself scowl as she watched Mikasa throw a punch, and she grabbed the arm as tight as she could and twisted with all her might (which still didn’t do much. Annie needed to steal and double her daily workout so she could get this strong). Mikasa winced a bit, but pulled hard and got away easily.

 _You’ll never win,_ her pitiful voice said. _She’s too strong, too devoted, too good. Just quit. You deserve to lose. Marley should kill you._

 _What would Bertholdt think?_ The stronger voice was back. _What would Reiner think? What would Dad think?_

“Annie.”

Mikasa came back into focus, her long fingers massaging her forearm. “Annie, you’re staring. I admire your tenacity, I…. I really do, but you seem tired.” Mikasa outstretched a small, smooth hand. “Let’s go to bed. I’ll walk you.”

Annie looked Mikasa over, her eyes wide, filled to the brim with that concern she had when she looked at Eren or Armin. How did she bring herself to care so much, about other people especially? Her palms and shoulders were open like they were welcoming her home. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to kill her or kiss her.

Those last two words sent her stronger voice into a frenzy and words spat out before she could even think them.

“How DARE you tell me what to do, you coward, you… you DEVIL!” Her shriek continued with a surging punch, smacking Mikasa’s face.  
The impact wasn’t enough, it couldn’t release all the hate, all the anger. She wanted more. She wanted to pound Mikasa into the ground, because Annie was strong and right and could beat her and Mikasa DESERVED IT.

“How DARE--” She kicked Mikasa’s shin as hard as she could. “--you speak to me like I’m one of you, like I’m a _coward,_ a _demon,_ a _loser_ \--”

“Annie.”

Annie couldn’t even hear her. Words sprayed out without control, each one trying to be more venomous than the next and accented by a punch to the shoulder. “--a _traitor_ , a _sinner_ , a _liar_ , a _weakling_ , a _bum_ , a--”

_“Annie.”_

“--a _killer_! Like I’m a killer! LIke I’m _evil!_ I’m pitiful! I should die! Like-”

_“Annie! Stop!”_

Annie finally awoke from her trance, but she was falling. Mikasa’s hands were spread out and pushed, just centimeters in front of her, and Annie could feel her stomach sinking. And it was peaceful. And she could be nice for once, she could hit the ground and end her and everyone else’s misery.

And yet, she grabbed.

Mikasa’s buttons were cold and smooth against her palm, and her shirt was damp, but warm. It was all so slippery and Annie knew she could fall so she gripped harder.

Sighing, Mikasa’s fingers slipped and pushed between Annie’s, trying to undo them from her shirt. One finger pushed up and Annie’s feet slipped, but she slammed them back down and grabbed on tighter.

Mikasa continued to work. “Annie--ugh,ah,--just--uuugh---come on and-- fall!”

“DON’T YOU SEE I CAN’T?”

The shriek was loud, loud enough to wake the whole cabin. It shocked Mikasa and even Annie, and the scream was shrill enough to finally break that little voice.

Annie took a breath in, looked at Mikasa’s concerned face, more perfect than ever in the pale moonlight--how could she want to kill her?--and exhaled a sob. More sobs came, and more and more and more and more until she was choking and yet they wouldn’t stop. And she didn’t really want them to.

“I’m-- I’m so weak,” she blubbered, looking down at her angled feet, pulling herself closer to Mikasa for some warmth. “I can’t even beat you. I can’t even--” Several sobs interrupted her. “--hate...you.

“Why are you so pretty? Why are you so kind, so devoted, so strong? Why do you go against every fucking thing I’ve been taught? I know….. I thought it was all bullshit, but if it really is, then why am I here?” Annie let out another sob and her voice came out a squeal. “Why should I let myself stay alive?”

Millions of sobs followed, more coming every time Annie thought about Mikasa, or the Titans, or her father. Yet Mikasa let her hang there and stayed silent, until there were no more tears and Annie’s throat was hoarse.

She looked up at Mikasa. Her eyes were wide, but this time they looked shocked, almost scared. Then Annie watched as her pink lips sucked in air, then sighed.

“You’re confused,” she said. “You must be exhausted. If you’re not going to fall, Annie, then I’ll carry you.” One arm reached down towards Annie’s legs.

“What are you--”

Annie was still gipping MIkasa’s wet shirt, but her feet were dangling and strong arms supported her knees and shoulders. She looked at Mikasa’s face, stoic and determined as always, then just let her head fall back.

The moon, bright and big, distracted her from the bumping footsteps. Her eyes stung and brought tears each time she blinked, and she let them roll. She didn’t have the strength to fight, and she didn’t need to, with Mikasa’s warm arms holding her up and repairing her little voice.

Annie only looked away when her eyes saw wooden planks, not the moon. She caught herself when Mikasa rolled her onto the bottom bunk, then collapsed. It was so warm, so firm. Her eyes closed.

They opened what seemed like seconds later with a sudden urgency, tossing to the side, only to see Mikasa’s eyes, neutral as the rest of her face.

Annie ran a hand through her hair. It was damp and greasy, until it hit her bun. “You’re….. Still here? Why?”

Mikasa huffed, grabbed her scarf, and then a miniscule smile appeared. Annie’s stomach collapsed in on itself. “You taught me a lot, tonight. You taught me a lot tonight, Annie. How motivated a person can be. How motivated a person should be. And a lot of moves that could be useful in the future. You’re smart, Annie, and pretty. That’s rare. So I returned the favor.”

“Oh.”

Annie began to fall back into the bed, but was halted by Mikasa’s cold hand gripping her shoulder. Her whole body vibrated.

“Annie, listen to me. Next time, you have to repay me. Next time, I might not be able to carry you. Next time, you have to fall.”

“Alright.”

Their lips were both chapped but so, so soft and gentle. The feeling was heavenly, the wetness and pomegranate taste threatening to overwhelm Annie, and she wanted to give in. She began to lean into Mikasa and off the bed, but Mikasa’s hand caught her chin and stroked it. Annie thanked her with a flick of the tongue and kissed deeper.

Next time, I’ll fall, a gentle, sweet voice said. Next time.

 

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

_After the next time_

Annie didn’t realize she was frozen. First, she realized there was a tear on her cheek, halfway to her chin. Then, she suddenly saw the rest of the field, and as she looked around she turned and saw the cloaked officers several feet ahead. 

“Annie?”

Mikasa was beside her, looking concerned yet again, and she certainly wasn’t walking. Then Annie realized she was frozen. She looked away from Mikasa and stared at the green-and-blue horizon. 

“I’m fine,” Annie said to the trees and sky, wiping the tear off her chin. She breathed a shaky breath and took a step forward. Mikasa followed. “And, um, you’re welcome.”

Mikasa nodded slowly, still looking concerned, and they continued to walk in silence. Annie’s mind was everywhere from wondering what had happened to thinking over that fight with Mikasa, but her eyes stayed trained on the large field. And then she realized-- why wasn’t she trying to run? There was lots of space and if she transformed she could beat them easily. But of course, that was stupid, because she had nowhere to run to. She’d failed her mission. Marley probably wanted to get her eaten, so they definitely didn’t want her. And it was entirely possible that her father didn’t want her anymore, either. To everyone she’d been fighting for, she was a failure. Useless.

“It’s funny,” Annie said, staring intently at the back of a distant Scout’s head. His hair was blonde with lots of flyaways. It looked too dry. “In falling, I let everyone else down.”

“Yes, but like Armin said,” Mikasa said, as Annie watched her pull her scarf up to her nose, the bright red contrasting with white skin, “you were a good person to the people behind these walls. You didn’t let me…. Let us, down.”

Annie wanted to smile at the idea but couldn’t find the energy. Being a good person to Mikasa…. It seemed beautiful, yet impossible, like one of the many lies she’d told herself just so she could keep going. And yet, when her eyes inevitably wandered to the work of poetry and art beside her, Mikasa was looking at her with one of those tiny, rare, precious smiles, and suddenly it seemed possible that she was a good person to just this one woman, and with the way that smile exploded Annie’s heart, that was all that mattered.

“Well….” Annie said. She took a deep breath and looked to the Scouts, this time at Hanji, and remembered their offer. It was better than nothing by a long shot, seeing as it included a purpose she could believe in, a shot at redemption, and Mikasa and her little smiles. “I guess I’ll keep being a person to you, then.”


End file.
